Grumpy Fan Writes Her First and Last Fan Letter

You know that feeling when you read a really, really good and hilarious book that resonates with you? And you’re so inspired by that book that you go and get a tragically visible ironic wrist tattoo to match one of the characters in the book? And then you have to spend the rest of your life explaining why you have “WRIST” written on your wrist, in a language you don’t speak, because you really liked this one book you read a few years ago? 

Well, I completely relate to you, because that exact situation happened to me too. Worse, though, was the crushing disappointment of reaching out to my favorite writer and receiving back the worst possible response. But let me back up a bit.

I love funny things, but very rarely does someone’s humor resonate with me. Famous humor writers rarely make me laugh. David Sedaris, Terry Prachett, Christopher Moore… I just haven’t been able to get into them. Usually the humor is too corny and obvious, too self-congratulatory, not self-congratulatory enough… you get the idea. It’s a tough life, being a crushingly picky humor enthusiast.

That being said, I found out that one of the cracked.com writers wrote a book a few years ago called John Dies at the End. It was marketed as a humor/sci-fi book. I started reading it, and fell in love. Quotes like “And watch out for Molly. See if she does anything unusual. There’s something I don’t trust about the way she exploded and then came back from the dead like that” just get me.

So when my favorite author wrote a new book that came out on October 6th, I inhaled it. And it was brilliant. Funny, dark, smart, with a protagonist who I’m pretty sure is me. After finishing the book, I decided to do something I’ve never done and reach out to David Wong, the author, and express my thanks for his weird sense of humor. I wasn’t sure how to send a fan letter, as I’ve never done it before. I found Wong’s Facebook page (which received updates multiple times per day, presumably from the author), as well as the Reddit account where he hosted his AMA and posts daily. “This fan letter will surely get to him!” I thought. “If he’s not too busy to post on social media about stupid videos of cats or whatever, he’ll surely read—and respond?!—to my adoring letter.”

NOPE. No response. None. He hasn’t even read the message on Facebook (if the “read receipt” is to be believed). Come on, David Wong. You’re not Beyonce. You’re not so famous that you can’t even glance at my heartfelt appreciation.

Now every time I look at my stupid tattoo, the tattoo that was inspired by an author who has spurned me so, I feel even more regret than I already did. Because it really is a stupid tattoo.

Thanks for nothing, David Wong. 

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