A Letter To My Favorite Author

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I’ve never written a fan letter before. Which seems surprising, because I develop very fast, intense infatuation with people I admire. But author David Wong has become my all-time favorite writer, ever. Despite having only three books, they all rank in my Top Favorite Books. Here’s the letter I wrote him (which, at this writing, has been completely ignored):

To Wong It May Concern:

I wanted to write you a fan letter. But not any fan letter. This is my first, and presumably last, fan letter to a public figure. I wanted to write you this letter to express my appreciation of your books. John Dies at the End, This Book is Full of Spiders, and Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits are three of my favorite, favorite books. Which is saying a lot, because I’ve read literally dozen of books in my life.

I adore your writing style. You create such hilarious, dynamic characters and immersive worlds. When I’m reading your books, I literally ignore all of my friends and family, even if I’m on vacation in Washington state with my grandparents. Your books are just that great.

I got a tattoo inspired by Amy from JDATE. It’s the world for “wrist” in Hindi on my wrist. Every time someone asks about it, I have to quickly summarize the entire book just to explain why it’s such a stupid tattoo. Or I lie and say that it’s Hindi for “Hillary Clinton 2016”.

So I say all this to respectfully request that you send me enough money for laser tattoo removal. Or just keep writing books. Lots of books.

Sincerely,

Katelynn “A Fan” Sortino

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